I Took the Long Way Home

funny story: no pictures :)

I went to girls camp early Tuesday morning and decided to leave Wednesday night. I was really missing my Scotty and Lincoln and just couldn't stay any longer. Well Wednesday night was skit night and us leaders did a skit together. It was really funny! I put LOTS of black makeup on my eyes and around them. And when I says lots, I mean lots. It looked as though I had been punched in the eyes. Well I also added thick black eyeliner to my eyebrows for dramatic effect. It worked. The girls loved our skit and enjoyed my part. Well the makeup was quite itchy and after our skit I began scratching my eyes and rubbing the makeup off. Soon it was time to go and I sadly packed up my bags, hugged my girlies goodbye and was out of there by 9:30. After awhile driving I had phone reception and I called my sister to tell her she didn't have to watch Lincoln the next day because I was on my way home. After hanging up I immediately lost reception. It seemed a bit strange that reception was getting worse when it should have been getting better the closer I got to home. I continued driving along the very curvy roads briefly noticing the trees were getting taller, thicker and closer as the road began to narrow. At 10:30 my car was dragging up this very steep mountain and I decided miserably that I was very lost. And not only was I lost but I had no reception to call for help and I had not seen a car yet this entire drive and I worst of all I was in desperate need of a toilet. I was starting to panic. I was going to die out in the middle of nowhere and noone would know where to fiind me. After a few brief minutes I knew what I needed to do first....and that was empty my bladder and pee. So I put the car in nuetral and left it running as I scouted out the best place to use the bathroom. The trees were looking quite horrifying so I popped a squat in the middle of the road. As I sat there peeing my car began rolling backwards and with my pants around my ankles and midpee I hobbled after it screaming "NO! NOT NOW!" after 20 feet and my pants now pulled up, a little damper than before, I was able to jump in my car and hit the brakes. Apparently I should have stayed at girls camp and if I had the sligtest clue of where girls camp was I would have headed there. Instead, I turned the car around and started driving back towards the place I must have subconsciously made the wrong turn. After 10 minutes of complete loss and frustration and not a clue of where I was, I turned off the car and sat determining my options. If I kept driving forever in the other direction I might run out of gas and never get home. If I stopped here I might get eaten by bears but someone might stop and find me. Well, I decided to risk the bears and began to make myself comfy when a car drove by. I flicked my hazards on and flashed my lights and a good half mile past me the car stopped and began reversing very slowly down the hill. It occurred to me that this could be a psycho killer and I locked my doors and wondered if I should hit the gas and get away. It turned out to be a nice guy who gave me directions. Well an hour later I was in Ashton and the road to Rexburg. I had turned my music up and was feeling a wee bit tired. My eyes were burning from the makeup and I couldn't stop itching them. This lame car behind me was riding my tail and so I sped up. I had no idea what the speed limit was and that lame car was really getting on my nerves. Well after awhile that lame car turned out to be a policeman and began flashing his lights. Crap! I pulled over and looked in the mirror at my terribbly scary black and blue face and burning red eyes. Well the policeman pulled out his super bright light and was shining it through the window blinding me. I couldn't open my eyes and had to turn my head away from the window to see. He began pounding on the window and I rolled it down looking at the only place I could see...the floor. do you know why I pulled you over" he demanded. Stupidly I replied, "im guessing speeding cause I don't have a clue what the speed limit is". I am guessing he found this proof that I was drunk. "get out of the car" he said and I shook my head no "i can't see". He turned off his light and I was able to look at him. He was a bit surprised to see my face and stared at me until I said "i am on my way home from girls camp". This must have explained a lot because he asked for my insurance and registration. Which I didn't have. He went back to his car and I began crying. Scott was going to kill me for getting a ticket and I was so tired. When he got back he was handing me stuff and suddenly became very concerned about my tears. I told him I was stressed because I had gone to the hospital the week before and my husband almost murdered me because we don't have health insurance and now he was sure to finish me off because I got a ticket. Then I was bawling and telling him how I got lost and peed all over my pants and look like an idiot and how tired I was. He stood there nodding his head and squeezed my shoulder and to my surprise asked me what else was wrong. So I began telling him how I work at Taco Bell and babysitt and teach piano and do young womens and teach on Sunday and have a baby boy. He seemed to think I was mental because I never got the ticket but he told me to sit in my car and cry awhile before I got back on the road. He told me he was sorry and before I knew it this policeman was my best friend. Well I cried the whole way home and by 1:00am I was cuddling up to my husband and feeling a lot better about life. And now this morning I have lost my voice completely! Haha! I hope you enjoed my stor.