One of my biggest flaws, and I have many of them, is ignoring the big trials in my life. I just pretend they don't exist. It's so much easier to live life when I think it's perfect. Am I the only one like that? I can't be!
Recently I've been going through something, and no I am not going to share it on a public blog, but it's been a real mental challenge for me. There's some days where I wonder if I can get through this. Sometimes I drive with Lincoln around town, and I just want to keep on driving right out of here. It's silly to be so weak over something so small. Why am I so weak? I keep telling myself that it will get better, and I know it will if I pray hard enough. I keep having faith that things will improve, and I've been putting all my energy into God.
Lately I've been praying every morning and night for Gods strength, and I feel his presence in my life. I have asked him to bring me peace and power to overcome my trials. I've been doing everything I can to live a clean life so I can have the Holy Spirit close to my heart. I read my scriptures daily, pray with Our family, do family home evening, go to church every Sunday, fulfill my calling on Tuesdays, abstain from swearing or vulgar language, and I haven't been watching PG-13 movies either! Wahoo! I know everyone does these things anyways, but I've never been great at being super Mormon. I just want to be my best, so God will grant me peace and blessings.
I envision my life in five years, and I know that this trial will have passed. I envision our family with another little one or two. I picture us laughing and playing together in a stable environment. I picture me looking back on this post and smiling, smiling because I stayed strong and it was worth it. Smiling because I chose to fight and overcome my struggles and not to run away. Smiling because my life is better from this trial, and I am a stronger person.
That's why I hold on. I hold on knowing God will protect me, and He knows what is best for me.
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