pursuit for happiness

just some thoughts going through my head:
Sometimes I find myself wanting more, more and MORE! I want a bigger house, new cabinets, a bonus room, new cars, lots of clothes, and well basically anything and everything better than what I have. I suddenly become obsessed with "things" and an image I want people to see. It begins to eat at me and I wish time away for the day when I can afford all the selfish desires of my heart. our stake president talked to us about seeking the things of the world and it has really got me thinking. I tell myself it's wrong and there are people who are wanting the life I live and praying for a car as nice as my falling apart chevy with a broken fan and smells like meldew. That some people wish they had a comfortable bed or toys for their baby. And it kind of works for a moment, but I find myself dreaming AGAIN. Then, I remind myself of the happiest moments in my life and that I need to make this moment a moment to remember.
The first date I went on with Scott, I knew I would marry him and he knew it too. I remember the next day talking with him and it felt as though I had known him my whole life. I am not one for believing in soul mates but I do believe in crossing paths with our friends from our pre-existance (spelling?) and I believe Scott was my best friend. The next day I went to class and I was entirely overwhelmed with happiness, I would go to the bathroom and laugh because I literally could not control my emotions. I had never felt so happy in all my life, it was the first time I had found true love and is my first memory of feeling high with happiness.
The next time I felt this was not ring shopping, or apartment searching, not even the day he proposed or the day I got married. No, after finding love the rest of those "things" could never make me feel the way I did that day. We went on to buy a house and lots of nice furniture, we have a beautiful yard and many other nice possesions, but none of this brought happiness. The day I found out I was pregnant was beyond exciting, I was jumping up and down and again giggling because I was too excited.
And over the next nine months my life suddenly became perfect. Scott was unemployed and with that stress I should have been miserable, but instead we went to the Lord. Our lives revovled around him, constant prayer, scripture study, and church attendance made my life complete. Scott and I never fought, we never yelled, I could care less about what other people thought of me and frankly I cared less about other people's drama. I began working at Taco Bell and with scott still jobless we spent my days off enjoying every little moment. We were so poor at one point we had to go through the house looking for nickles and dimes to pay for gas. I was laughing so hard when we filled up with exactly $8.26 in change and the worker thought we were just being immature. The day I had Lincoln was another giggly, uncontrollable happiness day. Labor was exciting and the following 3 days were unforgetable.
I look back and I wonder what could make me so happy and it is quite simple. I handed my life over to the Lord and let him take care of me. He has blessed us so much lately and I feel so guilty for not fully appreciating what he has given me and instead I selfishly asked for more. I don't know if anyone read this, but frankly it was for me to remind myself of what I have. The one thing that has always made me stop wanting for more is looking at the happiest moments in my life and not one involves the purchase of something whether great or small. If you find yourself seeking "things" I hope you can remember what makes you really happy. It is such a relief to get that off my mind! oh and that is totally a step in my OA group, taking control of your life and finding happiness in the now. I hope over this next year I can live in the now and enjoy the time I have with Lincoln while he is still so little and an only child and the time I have with Scott wile we are both young and agile!