Boating

I Am Still a Mormon Mom

I do not know how to operate a sewing machine

My food storage is what happens to be in the cupboards.

Crafts hate me.

I don't understand why people "can" their own food when it is already canned at the store.

If I am asked to bring dinner to the "sick" or "elderly", you better have the ranch to go with the pizza delivery.

Even if I knew how to use a coupon, I still wouldn't use it.

When people ask me for my cookie recipe I tell them it's in the refrigerated section of Wal-Mart.

Growing my own food is about as likely as me growing out my hair.

All and all, I am not your stereo-typical mormom mom.

I use to feel like a crappy mormon when I started comparing myself to all the superstar women in my church. I use to wonder many times if there was something wrong with me. Why do I hate all these things that I am naturally suppose to enjoy? Does that make me an awful mormon? Am I less womanly because I want to work a job and can't sew?

Of course not! I am who I am! I love Christ, the gospel, my family and most importantly I love frozen pizza.

No matter my lack of skills I am still a mormon mom, and dang proud of it.

I Never Take Out My Contacts!

About five years ago, I went to my last eye doctor appointment. I recieved a 6 month supply of contact lenses.

Flash forward five years and.....

Today I used my last right eye lense and my second-to-last left eye. Yes, you are reading this correctly. That six pack of lenses are still active.

I never remove my lenses. Never. In fact, I forget I even wear contacts. The last time I put new ones in was probably over a year ago. I have no idea! A co-worker was telling me how I was ruining my eyes and it scared me so much that I took them out two months later.

When I removed them today, I was so out of practice that it took an hour just to get those new suckers in. Once they were in, my eyes began to burn and for the next 3 hours my right eye was crying profusely. Now I am forced to wear glasses. It brings back elementary school where I was called "four-eyes" and told I "talk funny". Things I try not to remember or at least pretend never happened.

Yikes!

However, my eye still hurts. Anyone know what damage I have done to my legally blind eyes? Will I have to wear glasses for the rest of my life? Am I going to go real blind?

On the positive side (assuming these contacts will be used accordingly) I will have saved approximately 2200 dollars just on lenses alone! With that kind of savings, I do say I deserve a shopping spree. Maybe something to go with these fabulous glasses?

UPDATE: I have seen a lot of people get linked to this post, so here is what has since happened. After going to the doctor, he found cysts covering my eyes.I had to take medication to get rid of them. I got in the bad habit again, and went back to the doctor. He explained that if your eyes hurt when you take out your contacts that means you need to give your eyes a break because they start to become dependent on the contacts and can't handle air or anything. I try to take out mine every other month! It is a start!

When You Realize Your Child is Average

Why must parent’s constantly brag about how smart their child is? I understand being proud, but sometimes it gets….. well it gets annoying.

You know what I am talking about. You get a bunch of moms and dads together and it turns into the “One Upper Game.”

Conversation Example:

“My two-year old knows all his colors”

“Oh my son knows his colors too, and he can count to 20”

“My son just turned two and he can speak sentences and carry on adult conversations”

“Well my daughter can read”

and then they look over at me and things get a little uncomfortable because my son can’t do ANY of those things.

He can’t count. He says colors, but they are never right. His vocabulary usually involves words no one else can understand. He hides the books when I try to read to him, and the longest sentence he says is, “Oh no, I farted mama.”

Then I realize something, something that all parent’s struggle or refuse to grasp. My son is average. Yep I said it. He is just your typical, average two-year-old.

My response to all those parents; at least my child can do this:

“What exactly is that Heather?”

Who cares! My son can do it! For your information it is sliding WHILE lifting your shirt up and believe me, that takes mad skills.

The truth is, how could I honestly expect more from my son when he comes from completely average me?

It's Never A Good Thing If Your Son Look Better In Your Clothes Than You

Sometimes I forget to do the laundry. Sometimes I procrastinate doing the laundry, and other times I flat out refuse to do the laundry. Either way, it never ends well for Lincoln. With no clean pajamas, he is forced to wear my shirt to bed as a replacement. 

 

Poor little guy, I have one too many blackmail photos to use when he turns all teenager on me.

I can already imagine what his future ex-girlfriend has to say, “You painted your toenails AND wore your mom’s clothes?”

Do You Spank Your Child?

Before I had Lincoln, I promised myself that I would never spank him. This involved slapping hands or being rough at all. I honestly do NOT believe violence in any degree is a means of discipline or punishment. Now I have seen friends and family spank their children and I don't think they are being abusive or mean, it's just something I don't believe in. It is that line I don't ever want to cross, and so far Lincoln is turning out great.

But the point of this story is child abuse of any kind has always been a sensitive spot for me. Reading, hearing or watching it makes my eyes swell with tears. I think perfect looking families can be overlooked for abuse because well...... They look perfect!

Back when I was an after school teacher, over three years ago, one of my kindergarton students was complaining about her back. Eventually she lifted up her shirt to reveal her "owie". Her aching back was a softball sized bruise. I knew instantly where it came from. Her clingy, emotional and unstable personality had been red flags for weeks. Not wanting to accuse, I simply asked. She proceeded to tell me how her father had shoved her and she had fallen backwards over the dog. She showed me other bruises, and it was enough. I took her in my arms and marched from my classroom. I grabbed another teacher to watch my class and went to the office. I could hardly talk because I was fighting back hot tears. I asked the little girl to repeat her story before I had to write down everything that was said.

By law, I was not allowed to know anything about what actions were to be taken. I would never know if her situation was being handled. I wrote my info down and it was never mentioned or brought up again.

Every now and then, I see this sweet girl with her parents and every time I do, my heart aches. She is dressed poorly, they growl and speak down to her. All I want to do is wrap my arms around her and give her the love she needs, the love every human needs.

And perhaps that is the reason I spoke out today. Maybe the reason I overstepped my boundaries, because children cant speak for themselves.

Today I was at Wal-Mart. I had Lincoln in my cart and was doing my usual shopping. As I walked down the aisle, I instantly became aware of the lady in front of me snapping at her son. I ignored it, but his sad demeanor held my attention. He was wanting to look at bikes, but she insisted on calling him names and telling him to shut up. I followed them secretly for the next ten minutes until I couldn't take it any longer.

"That's not how you talk to a human being, let alone a child. Speaking to him like that in public makes me wonder what you're like at home" I said it with such confidence and clarity that I even surprised myself at how powerful my words and tone sounded.

I thought maybe she would yell at me or start chucking her cans of food, but instead she looked completly humiliated. She didn't say anything, and things got a little awkward. I left her alone to analyze herself.

But the point is, I spoke out! I might not have made a difference today, but what if I did? And it's the "what if" that will keep me shouting out for abused children everywhere.

Now back to spanking.
I refuse to spank my child because where is the line between a spanking and a beating? What if you get extra angry one time and spank a little too hard? What if that one slap or harsh word leads to just a little harder slap and a slightly meaner word. Why open that gate at all? I say close the door completely on physical discipline and use your creative juices and form a different action!

Alright, alright, I am done preaching. .....But who is with me!?!?

What do YOU look like in the morning?

It always amazes me how darn sexy I am when I roll out of bed. I mean seriously! Why do I waste time doing my hair and makeup when I already look so good?

What Makes the Perfect 4th of July?

Well, it involves a mixture of very little planning, a movie, some sledding, lighting fireworks, fun and the traditional morning parade!

We started the day out by going to the parade. Lincoln was thrilled that random people in vehicles were throwing him candy! 

Next we went to “Rio”

I LOVED “Rio”! It was the first movie Lincoln has gone to that was age appropriate. He sat in his own chair and didn’t move for an entire hour. When the birds got kidnapped, he got all sad and said, “Oh no, sad birdy”. When the birds kissed he said, “EWWWWWWW!”. He laughed at the funny parts and commented on his favorite parts.

I recommend that movie to everyone! The music was cute, the story sweet and overall adorable! I am going to buy it!

Next we sat on the porch and threw pop rocks. We went through 6 boxes really fast.

Lincoln and his dad

Then Lincoln peed out all over his clothes and all over my pants. (This is us in our peed clothes, it looked like I wet my pants too)

I wore grandma’s pants, and he wore grandma’s shirt. Just two dorks!

Then Papa pulled out the sled and the real fun started! Need I say anymore?

Papa was heartless! When you fell off, you FLEW off!

I gave no mercy for the old man. I made sure he was off in no time!

Scott got dumped several times and had a few bruises to show for it!

Even grandma joined in on the fun!

Lincoln has amazing balance! That little dude was born for sports like “Grass Sledding”. One day, I just KNOW he is going to go professional! We watched the sun set and got excited for FIREWORKS!

Fire Works!

Lincoln is a little pyro. He lit a match on his own and it scared the crap out of me. The entire time he wanted to light the fireworks and play with the matches.

Next year I am buying him 2 dozen sparklers because 1 dozen wasn’t enough.

The firework he picked out was a motorcycle. When we lit it, he attempted to pick it up. He wasn’t too thrilled that we fried his toy.

      Overall, it was the perfect day.  I am not sure why it was, but it was.

Maybe because there were no plans

Maybe it was dragging my dad and mom behind a sled

Perhaps it was lighting fire and blowing things up

Or, maybe I finally understand what living in a free country really means.

Bet, I am guessing it was being surrounded by the people I love the most.                

Whose White Trash Kid is That?