Hormones and Balloons

   I scheduled a doctor’s appointment for today to get new inhalers for my asthma.I thought it would be a quick visit so I dragged Lincoln along.

    The nurse took my weight, height and blood pressure and then showed me to my room where she had me sit on a chair covered with paper. As if I was going to sit on that piece of paper for more than 2 minutes! Seriously, even if I didn’t have an almost 2 year old demanding my attention I wouldn’t.

   The moment the nurse left,  Lincoln instantly became bored and I pulled  motorcycles, balls and crackers out of my purse.  After 30 minutes of bouncing a racquetball off the walls, I opened the door and began tapping(more like stomping) my foot  hoping they could hear me.

    They either didn’t hear me or decided to ignore me. My tapping along with Lincoln’s insistent whining wasn’t doing any good. I shut the door and looked around the room for something to do. An ear thermometer dispenser caught my eye. I grabbed out a couple of covers and put them on Lincoln’s fingers. He thought it was hilarious and wanted more. I grabbed enough to put one on every finger.

   I looked at the other glass containers and grabbed some sticks out, cotton balls and soon I brilliantly found the glove box. I blew a glove balloon for Lincoln and he was in heaven.

    After an hour the doctor knocked and came in. About time! He looked at the glove with one raised eyebrow and didn’t say anything.

    “I had to keep him entertained somehow!” and to make my point that I was feeling a little rushed added, “He pooped too!”

    “Oh, that’s no problem for me, I can’t smell a thing and that stuff has never bothered me,” he smiled and sat down in a chair across from me.

    I stared at him a little dumbfounded. I wasn’t really thinking about him, I was thinking more about Lincoln’s butt that was probably already forming a rash.

    I shook my head, ignoring his comment, “I just need to get some more inhalers,” I said hoping to speed up this visit.

    “Of course, of course. Not a problem, but you haven’t been in for two years! You need a Pap smear.” He said smiling and leaning in.

    “I don’t need one of those to breathe, I just need an inhaler.” I said uncomfortably. I hate Pap smears, I feel like I need to prepare myself mentally before I get one.

    He chuckled, continuing “I am also a little concerned about your weight…..” he talked for awhile, I don’t remember what he said I was busy watching Lincoln biting his glove balloon violently.

    “Do you ever feel really hot when everyone else feels cold? Or really cold when everyone else feels hot?” The doctor asked, not noticing my bored glazed look.

    “Sounds like a bad case of menopause. Do I get my inhalers?” I asked standing up and grabbing another glove to blow up.

      He wasn’t impressed at all, but still managed to smile. He left and brought back a team of nurses who took my blood. After they were done, he handed me a giant piece of paper, “I need you to strip down and put this gown on. I’ll be back to give you the Pap smear.”

     “You call this a gown?!” I called after him holding up the square piece of paper. He laughed and shut the door. I undressed and wrapped it around me, which was pointless because Lincoln kept ripping it off.

    Thirty minutes later the Doctor decided to walk in without knocking. I was busy blowing up more glove balloons and my naked butt was facing the door. I jumped and turned myself around clutching the paper to my chest.

    “Oh, I thought you would be ready,” he apologized.

    “I was ready half an hour ago,” I snapped and sat down in the chair.

    The doctor had me put my feet in the stirrups and raised the chair and tilted me back. Lincoln did not like his mom being violated and began crying and screaming, “Mommy!”

    With my body exposed and raised several feet off the ground, the Doctor seemed to find this the perfect moment to tell me my diagnosis.

    “We ran some tests and you have what we call a hyperactive thyroid,” he said doing his work below me.

    “Sounds nice” I grumbled, trying to calm Lincoln from my raised chair.

    “Well, the problem is that it can make it difficult to gain weight,” he continued.

    “Exactly how is that a problem?” I asked with complete seriousness.

    “It can make it difficult or even impossible to have children,” he added

    “Yea?” I glanced over to Lincoln who was now lying on his back screaming with his feet kicking the wall, “I don’t think I’ll be having any more.”

    “The good news is with a few hormones we can regulate it enough to fix the problem!” he said excitedly.

    I looked at him, between my legs, with complete horror “Are you crazy?! Why would I want to fix that? You’re not fixing anything!”

    He finished his job, left me to get dressed and I made my way out the door with all 6 balloons and Lincoln.

    The doctor waved happily to me on my way out, “I already called in your inhaler and hormones to the pharmacy, you should be able to pick them up whenever.”

I smiled and waved, “I have enough hormones thank you.”

We “Seriously” went Bowling!

For Monday family night my family went bowling. We definitely went for the kids. I only bowled a few times because Lincoln went on my turn. He probably helped my score because I am THAT terrible!

He was so excited! Every time he would push the ball he would clap and scream. Once it hit the pins he would sign “more”.

Lincoln learned a new word, “Seriously”, he says it as clear as daylight. Yep, he learned that one from me, I tend to say, “Seriously Lincoln! Seriously?” allllll the time.

Don’t we look proud?

  I love my family!

We get really excited when we hit the pins!

Very Intense moment: Will it hit the pins? Will it?!?!

Once the fries came, 8 large baskets, my family forgot about bowling. We only came for the food, seriously :)

Movie Reviews!

So, I’ve never done this before, but I have recently gone to the movies and rented a lot and there were soooo many good movies that I need to talk about them!

Be prepared for 10 Reviews (I got a little excited)

MegaMind

I give this movie  5STARS

Who doesn’t love superhero genre? An original story line that had me laughing the entire time. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and wanted to watch it the next day. It was light and happy, witty and completely appropriate for a family to watch. I am going to add this to my “Must Own” list.

Tangled

I give this movie 5STARS

Wow! This movie had me smiling from the time I sat down to the time I went to sleep. I might have even smiled during my sleep! I love Disney Movies, but my only complaint for the older ones is the princesses have NO personality. Rapunzle, however, did not lack in that category. She was so fun, happy, innocent and reminded me of a younger me.

One Random thought: Did anyone else think it sad that her mother died at the end? Her mother raised her and took care of her, and even though her intentions were wrong it doesn’t change the fact that she was still her mom. That part bothered me.

Chronicles of Narnia:Voyage of the Dawn Treader

I give this movie 3.5 STARS

I love the Narnia movies! I have gone to see all of them with my best friend Haley. It’s a tradition we started accidentally.  In this movie the characters have become beyond boring and without the newest character Eustace this movie would have been a complete disaster. I did enjoy watching it and there were some exciting and intense moments. But my sweet Lucy is grown up and I loved her! The first one is still my favorite. Haley thought it was the best of the three and informed me that she “Hates" all Narnia Movies and only goes because I make her :)

(Some pictures of us after the movie)

How Do You Know

2.5 STARS

I don’t know why I paid 8 dollars to see this movie when I made a promise to myself that I would NEVER pay to see a chick flick again, unless I heard AMAZING reviews about it. I love Reese Witherspoon! I want to name my first daughter after her. She’s my favorite Chick flick girl actress, so why did she do this movie? Why Reese why? It was so boring! I think I might have laughed twice. Oh, and the ending? What ending? I’m still mad about it. It leaves me asking “How do you know” this movie sucks?

Easy: Whoever wrote this movie seemed to think he was some Shakespeare, and Shakespeare is boring.

The thing I have about chick flicks

I either LOVE them or I absolutely ABHORE them. They go hand in hand with comedies:if they have a fresh story line, are done right and have fitting actors they can be some of my favorite movies.

Unstoppable

I give this movie 4 STARS

This movie was intense! It had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. I would have changed a few things to make the story line a little more personal to the characters, but overall it was done well. A movie I wouldn’t own, but is definitely a must see. I loved it and it definitely had me thinking.

 

       *some older movies*

Eat Pray Love

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I give this movie 3 STARS

I actually enjoyed this movie. I rented it and watched it on my own and I cried a lot during it. Julia Roberts did an excellent job and although I did find her character very selfish and immature, it was a love story that gave me goose bumps. It had it’s extremely boring parts, but  meditating and clearing the mind is fascinating to me.

Easy A

I give this movie 4.5 STARS

Oh my! I love, love this movie. I laughed the entire time! I rented it one night because my sister said it was good. I wasn’t expecting much but it was hilarious! I had to watch it the next morning too and if it wasn’t so dirty I would definitely own it. I love the book, “The Scarlet Letter” and it was a fun play off of it.  Emma Stone did an amazing job acting and I told Scott, “I definitely think we could be friends”.

Despicable Me

I give this movie 4 STARS

The first time I watched it, I wasn’t impressed. Then I reminded myself that this movie was written for kids, not adults. The second time around, I loved it! It was a cute story that I definitely want to own. Some of my favorite quotes come from it. The little girls were adorable and although the ending was predictable it was perfect.

SALT

I give this movie 5 STARS

This movie was even better than I expected and I knew it would be good. Some compare it to the “Bourne” movies, and although I love them, they’re a little confusing to me. This story was intense, dramatic and perfectly clear. There were unexpected parts, believable action and was written so well that I didn’t know if I could trust the main character. I will own this movie and I am excited for the sequel!

Inception

I give this movie 5 STARS

With its multi level dreams this movie can be hard to follow. I was, unbelievably, able to keep up with it and therefore absolutely loved it. It’s one of those movies that you can discuss for hours after it’s over. It even had me wondering if life is some strange dream state. Do you think the end was just apart of a dream or was it real life? His children turned and looked at him, unlike in his dreams. Must be real!

One part that bothered me: He said that they grew old together right? So, why were they young when they killed themselves on the railroad tracks to escape the dream?

Scariest Moment of My Life

I have debated whether I should post about this experience because it scared me that much! After 4 months, I figure it is time to tell my story.

Written in September………………….

I work nights and so every afternoon I take a nap at the same time as Lincoln. The night before I decided to park my car in the garage. Around one in the afternoon I put Lincoln down and crawled into the warm blankets of my bed. I instantly fell asleep.

       A little less than 2 hours passed, and I heard the front door open and I woke up a little confused. The house filled with the voices of what sounded like three men. My first thought was “Brenner must have come over for lunch and brought some of his friends” (Brenner is my roommate we kicked out) and then I heard the Mexican begin speaking and my heart began beating a little faster “does Brenner have a Mexican friend?”.  I grabbed the blankets tighter around me. I was laying on my side with my back to my bedroom door and I listened closer to the voices.  One was speaking Spanish and they would laugh a little here or there. I didn’t recognize the voices and I couldn’t make out what they were saying.

      My bedroom is at the end of the hall and today it was the only door open and the light was left on. I kept telling myself that it had to be Brenner getting lunch with his friends. I heard their feet walking around my kitchen comfortably opening cupboards and as I so very badly wanted to believe, just making lunch.

      After five minutes one began walking down the hall and as my heart began beating wildly I pinched my eyes shut pretending to be asleep. The feet echoed loudly across the wood floors and then softened as they hit the carpet to my bedroom.

    “Someone is in my bedroom!” my thoughts screamed. My head was buzzing and I tried to breath naturally and remain calm as I felt this imposter lean against the side of my bed and bend over my body to view my face. The pressure of his body against mine caused my stomach to whirl and loop with nausea. I thought about Lincoln sleeping quietly in his bedroom just feet away. I wondered if I should scare these dudes away, but instead I was frozen. I literally couldn’t move.The seconds felt like hours and I kept myself from tears by insisting that it was Brenner seeing if I was asleep. After looking at my face, his steps became almost silent as he backed out of my room quietly. My throat tightened with fear making it almost impossible to breath. The voices in the kitchen stopped suddenly and I listened as they all left in complete silence.

            Now I am sure you are all predicting what my next moves were.

Did I jump out of the bed and grab my son? no.

Did I run to the window and get a look at their car or faces? no.

Well, did I at least call the police? nope.

I laid in my bed scared out of my mind! My thoughts were a complete mess. It took ten miserable minutes for me to calm down enough to text Brenner. My hands were shaking so bad that I kept hitting the wrong buttons. Soon I sent a text asking Brenner if he had been in my house. When his reply was “no” my stomach dropped and I started thinking the entire situation through. My conclusion was simple; I was crazy and dreamed the entire thing.

    Well, that was until I got out of bed and found dirty fresh footprints covering my entire floor. I woke up Lincoln and held him close to me. Guilt and shame coursed through me as I thought about how I had left Lincoln in his bedroom when strangers were in the house.

     I locked the doors and called Scott. He calmed me down and told me he was sure they were drunk and stumbled into the wrong house.  I think he thought I was being over dramatic. And, well, everyone that knows me knows that I am a drama queen. I didn’t want to over react.

So, I called my mom who began freaking out! of course. If you think I am dramatic you probably should meet my mom or my dad. After getting off the phone with her hysterical worries,  I decided I was going to do nothing about it, except freak out, and instead I began sweeping my floors and cleaning the house. After all, they hadn’t taken anything.

      41 minutes passed and a knock came at the door. I know you’re all thinking it was the Mexicans coming back, but this time it was the police, it was the Madison County Sheriff. My dramatic mom called the police.

“I received a phone call that you have had a break in?” He asked in a very serious voice.

“I wouldn’t call it a break in, it was more like a walk in,” I said uneasily.

He gave me this look like he thought I was loopier than a bowl full of fruit loops. We played “A million Questions” and I kept telling him, “I think they just walked in the wrong house! As soon as they saw me they left!”

Well that answer was not satisfactory! He called in the detective. The next 3 hours my house was dusted, fingerprinted, rearranged and photographed. At one point an officer was doing a sideways handstand while holding a camera and a flashlight. I was in shock at the maneuvers it took to get a good picture of a shoe print. Lincoln was cooperative during the entire process. He even threw a ball down the hall, putting the evidence in jeopardy.

After what seemed like forever, we found my medicine cupboard had been attacked and a bottle of Codine had been stolen. It will be greatly missed *sigh*. After they left my house, they informed me that my house would be watched and to report any strange things.

    I’m not sure how I feel about the whole situation. I ask myself everyday what I should have done differently?

1. Should I have scared them away?

2. Was it smart to pretend to be asleep?

3. What kind of mom doesn’t put up a fight?

4. Why could I not move?

5. Will they come back for more?

6. Have they been watching my house? Is that why they came in because my car was in the garage so they thought I wasn’t home?

7. Am I crazy?

definitely very scary!

You Would Too

 

Potty Training

Today was the day. I decided I was going to potty train Lincoln. I'd read articles, researched methods and even bought a little toilet. The time had come for the diapers to disappear.
This morning I woke up and gave Lincoln a bath and after he was all dry I put a shirt on him and left his bottom half naked. Then I waited for him to pee so I could put him on the toilet. After an hour we watched his favorite movie "Toy Story 3" and every few minutes I would sign "potty" and ask if he needed to go potty.
"NO!" was always his response and so I continued to wait.
After another hour I heard a trickle and I threw him on the toilet while I sweetly said "Pee goes in the toilet". He was petrified and stopped peeing immediately. So I let him off the toilet and he began peeing on the floor! So I grabbed him again "Pee goes in the toilet". He looked at me and said "No, ouchy". I let him off and he started playing with his cars. After a few minutes I figured he had gotten it out of his system so I relaxed and started folding laundry.
Eventually, he walked down the hall. I figured he would be fine on his own and I would check on him while I put the laundry away. Minutes later I hear him screaming and crying frantically. I knew he was hurt by the sound of his cry and I ran to my bedroom. He was standing in the closet crying and pointing at what was unmistakeably poop while screaming, "Ouchy! Ouchy!"
"Are you hurt?" I asked searching his body frantically for scrapes or cuts or any kind of injury. This seemed to make him angrier and his cries become louder. I picked him up and took him out of the room and tried to calm him down. I can't figure out why he is crying so much.
"Mom doesn't know what is wrong! Use your words!" I wipe him up, I get his blanket, his sippy cup, his ball, his truck, marshmallows and crackers. Nothing can get him to stop crying and so I resort to my only coping skill, I start crying. Together we sit on the floor bawling while he continually screams. "I'm the worst mom ever!" I cry while trying to pick up his kicking body. After a half hour I figure a nap will do us both some good and I stick a diaper on him. That's when he stopped crying.
"You wanted your diaper?" I ask half shocked and half relieved, then I start laughing.
After that he was as happy as he ever was. I cleaned up the mess in the closet and made lunch. Before sitting him in his chair I asked if he wanted to go potty in the toilet and he started crying. He pointed at the toilet and cried "Ouchy". That's when I grabbed that stupid toilet and threw it in the garage. I never want to see it again and I don't care if my child is in diapers until he is ten.

My Life

My Lincoln is my life

He is such a sweet little boy who brings so much happiness into my life. I don’t think anything could make my life more complete than being a mom to this super stud!