Before I had Lincoln, I promised myself that I would never spank him. This involved slapping hands or being rough at all. I honestly do NOT believe violence in any degree is a means of discipline or punishment. Now I have seen friends and family spank their children and I don't think they are being abusive or mean, it's just something I don't believe in. It is that line I don't ever want to cross, and so far Lincoln is turning out great.
But the point of this story is child abuse of any kind has always been a sensitive spot for me. Reading, hearing or watching it makes my eyes swell with tears. I think perfect looking families can be overlooked for abuse because well...... They look perfect!
Back when I was an after school teacher, over three years ago, one of my kindergarton students was complaining about her back. Eventually she lifted up her shirt to reveal her "owie". Her aching back was a softball sized bruise. I knew instantly where it came from. Her clingy, emotional and unstable personality had been red flags for weeks. Not wanting to accuse, I simply asked. She proceeded to tell me how her father had shoved her and she had fallen backwards over the dog. She showed me other bruises, and it was enough. I took her in my arms and marched from my classroom. I grabbed another teacher to watch my class and went to the office. I could hardly talk because I was fighting back hot tears. I asked the little girl to repeat her story before I had to write down everything that was said.
By law, I was not allowed to know anything about what actions were to be taken. I would never know if her situation was being handled. I wrote my info down and it was never mentioned or brought up again.
Every now and then, I see this sweet girl with her parents and every time I do, my heart aches. She is dressed poorly, they growl and speak down to her. All I want to do is wrap my arms around her and give her the love she needs, the love every human needs.
And perhaps that is the reason I spoke out today. Maybe the reason I overstepped my boundaries, because children cant speak for themselves.
Today I was at Wal-Mart. I had Lincoln in my cart and was doing my usual shopping. As I walked down the aisle, I instantly became aware of the lady in front of me snapping at her son. I ignored it, but his sad demeanor held my attention. He was wanting to look at bikes, but she insisted on calling him names and telling him to shut up. I followed them secretly for the next ten minutes until I couldn't take it any longer.
"That's not how you talk to a human being, let alone a child. Speaking to him like that in public makes me wonder what you're like at home" I said it with such confidence and clarity that I even surprised myself at how powerful my words and tone sounded.
I thought maybe she would yell at me or start chucking her cans of food, but instead she looked completly humiliated. She didn't say anything, and things got a little awkward. I left her alone to analyze herself.
But the point is, I spoke out! I might not have made a difference today, but what if I did? And it's the "what if" that will keep me shouting out for abused children everywhere.
Now back to spanking.
I refuse to spank my child because where is the line between a spanking and a beating? What if you get extra angry one time and spank a little too hard? What if that one slap or harsh word leads to just a little harder slap and a slightly meaner word. Why open that gate at all? I say close the door completely on physical discipline and use your creative juices and form a different action!
Alright, alright, I am done preaching. .....But who is with me!?!?
But the point of this story is child abuse of any kind has always been a sensitive spot for me. Reading, hearing or watching it makes my eyes swell with tears. I think perfect looking families can be overlooked for abuse because well...... They look perfect!
Back when I was an after school teacher, over three years ago, one of my kindergarton students was complaining about her back. Eventually she lifted up her shirt to reveal her "owie". Her aching back was a softball sized bruise. I knew instantly where it came from. Her clingy, emotional and unstable personality had been red flags for weeks. Not wanting to accuse, I simply asked. She proceeded to tell me how her father had shoved her and she had fallen backwards over the dog. She showed me other bruises, and it was enough. I took her in my arms and marched from my classroom. I grabbed another teacher to watch my class and went to the office. I could hardly talk because I was fighting back hot tears. I asked the little girl to repeat her story before I had to write down everything that was said.
By law, I was not allowed to know anything about what actions were to be taken. I would never know if her situation was being handled. I wrote my info down and it was never mentioned or brought up again.
Every now and then, I see this sweet girl with her parents and every time I do, my heart aches. She is dressed poorly, they growl and speak down to her. All I want to do is wrap my arms around her and give her the love she needs, the love every human needs.
And perhaps that is the reason I spoke out today. Maybe the reason I overstepped my boundaries, because children cant speak for themselves.
Today I was at Wal-Mart. I had Lincoln in my cart and was doing my usual shopping. As I walked down the aisle, I instantly became aware of the lady in front of me snapping at her son. I ignored it, but his sad demeanor held my attention. He was wanting to look at bikes, but she insisted on calling him names and telling him to shut up. I followed them secretly for the next ten minutes until I couldn't take it any longer.
"That's not how you talk to a human being, let alone a child. Speaking to him like that in public makes me wonder what you're like at home" I said it with such confidence and clarity that I even surprised myself at how powerful my words and tone sounded.
I thought maybe she would yell at me or start chucking her cans of food, but instead she looked completly humiliated. She didn't say anything, and things got a little awkward. I left her alone to analyze herself.
But the point is, I spoke out! I might not have made a difference today, but what if I did? And it's the "what if" that will keep me shouting out for abused children everywhere.
Now back to spanking.
I refuse to spank my child because where is the line between a spanking and a beating? What if you get extra angry one time and spank a little too hard? What if that one slap or harsh word leads to just a little harder slap and a slightly meaner word. Why open that gate at all? I say close the door completely on physical discipline and use your creative juices and form a different action!
Alright, alright, I am done preaching. .....But who is with me!?!?
5 comments:
I am a father of a 6 year old son. And I have to tell you when we first started out with him I was firm believer in the "spare the rod, spoil the child" philosophy. But through the last 6 years I have come to realise that children are alot more intuitive than we intially take them to be. My son knows with the slightest change of tone in my voice whether he has done something wrong or whether I am proud of him, however I am getting a touch off topic. I do belive in some situations that a spanking can be appropriate, However not for every "bad" thing the child does.
Also, I enjoy your blog very much.
The idea of smacking (spanking) is totally foreign in the UK. NO ONE does it. If they do they are usually in the minority and ignorant.
I was smacked as a kid because it was deemed acceptable but even my own parents say they wish they had tried something else and are honest enough to say that they only used it when they were angry.
There's no need for it, none at all.
I see her sometimes too and wonder how things turned out. It's so sad!
Agreed... I hate watching my sibblings get spanked... I'm a little older than the rest and I was a good little girl growing up that only got spanked once and had obeyed every time after that. I feel the same way about spanking and child abuse. I personaly don't know you but I am very thankful for you to have spoken out to the lady treating her child like a beast. So thank you and I hope you don't mind if I begin to follow your blog.
Thanks for the comments guys!
I think the biggest thing about spanking is the parents control, and when you spank out of anger you are no longer doing it as discipline. Im glad your parents actually admitted this cara.
follow away, I LOVE followers :)
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