“Butt”

Scott has this terrible habit of slapping me on the butt

     He thinks it’s funny

I do not

     Lincoln thinks it’s funny

I do not

     Lincoln slaps me on the butt now and thinks it’s funny

I do not

     and try as I might I just can’t get this child to stop. He thinks it’s hilarious and whenever he does it, Scott busts up laughing. This only encourages his behavior.

     I have tried to explain to Scott in EVERY possible way that it is not “ok” and people are going to think we are a very messed up family. I am sure several of you are shaking your heads in disapproval, proving my point.

Anyways, Lincoln stopped doing it for awhile….sigh of relief

*****************************************************************       Today we went to WalMart on one of our classic trips. I filled my cart with toilet paper, milk, wipes, cleaner, bread and diapers and decided to take a quick stop in the toy section.

     Lincoln LOVES the toy section and I usually let him roam around and admire all the cars, trucks and balls. I do my personal admiring of toys I wish I had.

    Now, I don’t blame him for what happened next. I was busy playing with “Rex” from Toy Story 3 and Lincoln was about five feet away making sound affects for a Tonka truck.

    As soon as his “sound affects” stopped I looked up and everything went in slow motion. Just inches from his little face, bent a larger lady in black spandex pants showing her very voluptuous rear end. She had to be in her late 50’s and whatever possessed her to squeeze into those pants, I will never know. I knew what was going to happen next, and I could tell by Lincoln’s bent upward, frozen head. He seemed to be in complete awe. Then just as suddenly his hand swung forward and “SLAPPED” that lady hard. She sprung upward squeezing her legs together and twisted around to glare at the culprit.

     When she saw that it was a sweet, innocent baby she looked frantically for his mother. I went through this brief moment of options. One was an image of me smacking my husband, which at the moment was not going to help me. The other was me pretending I didn’t know who this “perverted” child was, but unfortunately I’m not fast enough and she could tell by my open, horror struck mouth that I was the mother.

    Her face was on fire, a mixture of embarrassment and rage, “Did he just?” she asked mystified.

    I shook my head no, and then nodded yes and then shook my head no again.

    If you would have seen her face you would have done what any good Christian, loving mother would do. And that’s exactly what I did. I grabbed my purse from my cart, picked my son up and ran from the store. I didn’t bother looking back and I’m sure the employees will be upset at my full abandoned cart.

    When I made it to my car and opened the door I stared at Lincoln who was smiling. He was enjoying this entire adventure.

“No Lincoln, we don’t do that!” I said shakily.

His huge smiling response was predictable, “BUTT”.