Apparently that fall was a lot harder than I imagined. I started losing the baby a few days later. I feel really embarrassed that I told people so early and now I have to announce to the world that I am no longer pregnant.
I have felt every sort of emotion, but overall I just feel weird and empty. I don’t like to talk about it, and the worst thing you can ask is, “How is the bleeding?” ask me that and you might get smacked.
I wonder if God is punishing me. I wonder if I don’t deserve to have another baby. I wonder a lot of things. I don't believe I have ever cried so much in all my life. My heart aches, my stomach feels sick and feel so empty.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was devastated. Then I got attached and now I want a baby SO very much! I never thought I would lose my baby. It never even crossed my mind, and yet 10 weeks along I lose it because of something I did. I can hardly look at myself in the mirror. This stupid scar on my face reminds me of why I lost him and I can't help but feel angry! I know everything will be alright in the end. I know it will be! The future has endless opportunities to be happy and I am blessed with the life I do have.
7 comments:
oh Heather, I am so sorry. I know that the Lord isn't punishing you. We just all have different trials to go through and different things to learn. I'm so sorry. I'm glad that you are looking on the bright side though. Our Heavenly Father has a plan. Waiting and needed additional help to get pregnant with James and then being surprised with baby #2 (and not feeling ready at all) has taught me that Heavenly Father has a plan for us, but more importantly, has a plan for our babies. They are born to our families and their mortal life of testing at a very specific time for them. If I can do anything, let me know.
Yeah, miscarriages do suck! Don't be embarrassed and it's ok to feel sad. I am so sorry for your loss. Heavenly Father does have a plan and sometimes parts of the plan are hard. Let me know if you need anything :)
Heather, I love you. I wish I was there to give you a big hug. I don't like to talk about my trial not being able to get pregnant because it's too hard for me. But I will tell you that over the years I have struggled to understand why I have to go through this trial. If heavenly father is punishing me or if he didn't think I'd be a good mom. Just remember that our trials do make us stronger even if we don't understand why we are going through them.
Oh Heather, I'm soooo sorry. Is there anything I can do? Just let me know. I am just down the road.
I'm so sorry Heather. I had a miscarriage in between Andrew and Brody, and I understand how you feel. It does leave you with a very empty feeling. Don't get discouraged. Like Katie said, you're not being punished. Heavenly Father really does have a plan for you.
I know the feeling. We had a couple miscarriages before this pregnancy and really, nothing anyone can say really helps. It's a really emotional time but it does get better and I know from experience that a healthy pregnancy can happen after a miscarriage. Anyway, for me, heat pads and a lot of crying helped.
I'm sorry girl :( I hope you feel better soon.
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